Feeling overwhelmed, I’ve been hanging out with Feeling overwhelmed, I’ve been hanging out with a lot of couples, and everything seems so rosy with them. I’ve noticed I have even felt jealous. Why don’t I have a partner? The thing is I’ve had partners before, and it did not work. I would rather have no partner than being with someone who I don’t want to be with. I mean, it’s nice to have someone around. But in my case, I have felt more alone with someone than when I’m by myself. This helps me appreciate even more about being a parent - the unconditional love we feel for each other is like no other. Here’s to a happy weekend from me and this hyper munchkin who is fully in her terrible-twos...
How do you not take things personally? In my line How do you not take things personally? In my line of work as a surrogacy agency owner, and as a single dad by choice, I am on the receiving end of a lot of unkind and negative comments. And it has slowly broken me down until I got a long-winded hate letter and a death threat in February that left me speechless. It was after this letter from a set of unsuccessful intended parents, that I realized I ultimately needed to continue mastering my skill of not taking things personally. As disturbing as this hate letter was, I worked on helping myself understand why we as humans take things personally… we feel all sorts of feelings like hurt, neglect, offence, and betrayal by the other one. But really, that’s what we just believe though - “it’s the other person’s fault.” And we think it’s the other’s responsibility for what we feel and we blame the other person. But the person who thinks this has a real big ego. Our ego thinks that others should take us into consideration, and that we don’t want to be criticized, and most of all, our ego wants validation and acknowledgement. When I allow my ego to take over, it’s an impossible fight to win and it drains my energy. Did you know that we as humans have over 50,000 thoughts per day? And yet, only 10,000 of them are positive! It means 80% of the time, we think negative thoughts already. When you master the skill to not take things personally, you become free and remove the power that someone has had over you. In all that I do in work, and in the role that I play as a father, as a friend, as a mentor, as an employer, I am always mindful that we need to employ empathy in the way we think, speak and act. If you struggle with not taking things personally like me, I want you to remember that you will always keep your value.   To the unhappy and unsuccessful intended parents who wrote that incredibly unkind hate mail to me, or to the trolls who have written all sorts of mean comments, and to all the other situations where I took offence to one of your actions; thank you for giving me this opportunity to grow. #leadership #mindfulness #empowerment #inspiration #personaldevelopment
Yesterday evening, I spent about four hours consol Yesterday evening, I spent about four hours consoling a dear friend whose marriage is likely ending. Both of our emotions were all over the place. I know if this friend comes across my post this morning, she will not be the least offended with one of the comments I made last night, “Thank goodness I don’t have to deal with that shit in my life!” For what it’s worth, I gave her some advice (ya know, because I’m super successful at relationships myself LOL): I told her she needed to do what she felt was best that honoured self-respect. The “end” of any relationship be it a life-partner, or a friend is hard. I hope one day this little doll of mine will grow up to be a strong woman. I hope she will remember Daddy’s teaching of ‘self-respect’ and use it as an anchor in navigating her life’s inevitable adversities. #strongwomen #daddydaughter #singledaddybychoice #raisingdaughtersright #raisingdaughters #raisingdaughterswithconfidence #raisingdaughterswithselfworth
Today, I have had another true revelation - I am a Today, I have had another true revelation - I am a winner. Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. And I found a way to resolve an issue that I have been struggling with for so many months. Now I am looking forward to moving onto something more productive, less toxic and change my focus to anything (or anyone) else that can bring me a little more joy... let's start with this tiny human whom I've been gifted, who sadly no longer looks like this (this picture was taken two years ago!) I remember a quote I came across several months ago, "Happiness comes in waves, and it'll find you again." ... I think it just found me. #enoughisenough #lifeisprecious #selflove
My work in the field of surrogacy and egg donation My work in the field of surrogacy and egg donation consulting with @proudfertility puts me in touch with some of the most vulnerable people, all who just want to grow their family. What is so different about each and every person I come into contact with, whether they become a client of mine or not, is their perspective and approach, and how they frame the many unpredictable, but inevitable outcomes …that are all part of the journey. It’s taken me years to get to this and I have begun to apply some of this to my own personal life and hope to impart this to my daughter: * The challenges you are facing today are not the only challenges you are going to face. Once you solve the one issue, it’s not a matter of ‘if’, but a matter of ‘when’ another issue comes about. * The challenges you face are not what define who you are. That’s always been my problem. Failing to understand and see the ‘big-picture’ that there is always a ‘way’ or ‘resolution’ to address whatever adversity in front of you. And most importantly, resolutions TAKE TIME… They say ‘better late than never’ - for me, it’s somewhat of a relief to have this huge revelation that problems don’t define a person - that I hope that the next time you encounter an issue or you experience an undesired outcome, fight that natural urge to get wound up, become frazzled, and automatically make that problem define you. Now will someone please get an Almond Chai Latte to help this Tuesday morning not feel like a Friday afternoon? Photo: @photographybyashleydaigle #singledaddybychoice #singledadlife #surrogacyagency
SELF-RECOGNITION: Sometimes I fearlessly gloat abo SELF-RECOGNITION: Sometimes I fearlessly gloat about how awesome my parenting is. On a weekday, in broad daylight, I took my daughter out in her sleeper, and we had Popcorn Chicken from KFC at Starbucks. London Fog Almond Latte in my hand, donated boobyjuice in hers, we complete each other as we do not give two ‘clucks’ about anyone or anything else. This is the beauty of being a single parent as I get to call the shots. For an hour, we got to live in the moment. #icalltheshots #livingthedream #singledaddybychoice #chickenwarriorstiltheend Photo: @vivian_debrito
WAKE UP CALL: within a few days, a close family fr WAKE UP CALL: within a few days, a close family friend went from super healthy to now diagnosed with multiple forms of cancer, and blood in the brain. She went from having some sight issues to crazy headaches, to ... now my mom, her close friend has now become her Power of Attorney, etc. and we must be prepared for the worse. Our friend's memory is deteriorating rapidly, she doesn't really make sense when she speaks. Just recently retired (a Registered Nurse), she was supposed to enjoy life even more, except now... they're going to also operate and remove a part of her kidney, and again, we must be prepared for the worse. It is absolutely devastating, but more so it's made me realize how unprepared I am if this were to happen to me or my loved ones. It has made me really think about my priorities, my boundaries, and most importantly, how I want to live my life. As a friend, as a son, as a father, and also, as a human. Life is full of surprises, and although I'm 35, I want to live like my health may go anytime. This means, really "letting go" and find those healthy boundaries that prevent me from living a life that is full of positivity, peace, and love. I have a lot going on for me, and so many things I am challenged with are just not worth my worries, fretting or stress. I challenge you to join me in this reflection and discovery of what is and what is not important to you: Maybe you have been in a rut and you have toxic people in your life, are they really worth your time, stress, and worries? Maybe you struggle with your job, and your job is taking over your entire being and life - find that balance and prioritize yourself. Ask yourself if that stress is worth it, and is that going to matter in 1 year, 5 years or even 10? These are just two examples that I can think of that may be relevant for you. I am sending you all love and light.
*Trigger Alert* Growing up in a single parent (not *Trigger Alert* Growing up in a single parent (not by choice) household, Father’s Days were not positive for me. It was just a reminder of my abandonment and the physical and emotional abuse he inflicted upon my mother and I. It has taken more than two decades to understand the real impact of how scarring his actions were. There’s no doubt that his absence and negative actions left years of trauma and resentment. Yet, there’s something about how you navigate through life working on so many endeavours, that you can eventually come out on top, and have that “a-ha” moment, that life’s course has led you to repair and self-discovery… Having the childhood I had actually led me to my desire to not only be a better person, but to become the father I never had myself. With healthy boundaries, I’ve carved a small space in my heart and my family for the man responsible for bringing me earthside for the last few years. If Father’s Days for you conjures up a rollercoaster of emotions like it does for me, know that you’re not alone. If you allow yourself to sit with your breath for a moment, allow your mind to wander through the smallest blessings you’ve been gifted. Allow yourself to reframe past and present situations - you may be pleasantly surprised with some of the thoughts that may pass. For me, I am so grateful for my mom who stuck around. I’m highly indebted to her commitment - her strength, faith and perseverance was extraordinary. This is my third Father’s Day, and I just take a look at this tiny human whose now grown from two-bananas long, to this… TODDLER with so much attitude and sass… I know my rollercoaster ride has only begun, but it’s a ride that I am so proud to be on and a ride that I’ll never get off. #fathersday2020
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